march nine twenty nineteen

I feel like I'm trapped with the things that I am doing now and not with the things that I am supposed to do. My dreams are locked up somewhere deep within me that I know I should be getting, but there is always something in me that is just ignoring those possibilities because I know my own ability. I am someone who wants this, but can't do this. Someone who doesn't like that, but still can be found doing that.

People say those who never take risks are cowards and will never be successful and will never be genuinely happy in life for they will never be satisfied with the things they don't really like in the first place. But what if I know my own self despite of all confusions? That I can excel on the things I am now doing and not on the things I am passionate about? What if I excel on the things I put my time and effort to, not on the things I'm supposed to be doing which is what was expected of me and what everyone else is doing?

I am a woman in her twenties who is trapped in her being a teen. A teenager who is going with the flow and just letting time pass by without doing anything challenging which might better herself and her future. Basically waking up, dressing up to work, drowning herself all day from tasks that keep repeating every day, then going home in a place that keeps reminding her of the things she used to have but couldn't have now that she is an adult, then finally, forcing herself to sleep driving away the longingness from her family and the happy and complete life she used to have back then. 

Why do things have to change the way we don't want them to be? Why are we doing the things we don't wanna be doing in the first place but still doing them the hell we care just because these are where we are comfortable? Why are we staying with people who don't appreciate our presence but still we prefer to stay just because somehow we just want to feel appreciated and secured? Why do we have to be far away from people who truly love us just to achieve whatever we have to achieve in life? And why are we still feeling empty even if we seem to have plenty? 

Why do we have to be trapped with the things we dislike when in the first place, we don't want ourselves to settle for anything less?

 ⭐️

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