march twelve twenty nineteen


There's no reason, there's no rhyme
I found myself blindsided by
A feeling that I've never known
I'm dealing with it on my own
Phone is quiet, walls are bare
I drink myself to sleep, who cares?
No one even has to know
I'm dealing with it on my own

DAMN BECAUSE IT'S A STRANGE FEELING THAT SHE CAN'T IGNORE!

Is it love? No. It's just a petty crush. Is it really deep? No. It's just petty, like a happy crush. A happy crush. A HAPPY CRUSH!

But she's not happy. She's not happy. SHE IS NOT HAPPY.

Damn, because she feels overjoyed when he's around even though she feels uncomfortable. And now that she can't be with him, it's just too unfair that he's living his life without heavy baggage and here she is, being crazy seeing him in every person she is with and talks to and in every thing that used to be connected to him. Damn because no one knows about this and she's scared that anyone will know about this because this feeling is really strange to her and she knows to herself that it just can't happen. She doesn't know how deep this is and she can't even acknowledge this kind of feeling because damn, she knows they just can't happen. There is no "them" and there SHOULD be no "them". She's completely convincing herself that he doesn't even worth the time she is wasting thinking about him but isn't it unfair that it's just really hurting? If she could just only drown herself to alcohol and dizziness and forget every single thing about him because damn, she doesn't know what to do with it. She can feel her heart crashing into pieces as every single day passes by with her being helpless about it.  Damn help. Damn.

DAMN HIM BECAUSE HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW!

☔

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